Working with families where engagement is challenging

At the heart of any support work with parents/carers and their families is the need for a positive and empowering relationship between all those involved, based on mutual respect.

However, how can this be achieved when working with families who may not want to work with services and where there may be fear, lack of trust and, in some cases, resentment?

Whilst there is an abundance of evidence outlining ways to effectively engage with families who welcome support, there is very little research on how to work with families who do not want to engage with practitioners, especially those working in statutory services. 

Terminology and labelling

Words such as ‘evasive’, ‘non-engaging’, ‘not participating’ or ‘aggressive’ are often used to describe families because we lack an agreed language to refer to people who don’t want a service/ intervention. There are many problems with this type of labelling as all it does is describe a behaviour shown by an individual, with no indication as to the reasons behind it.

An Ofsted inspector once told me that when he saw labels like this recorded about a parent, all it did was alert him to the fact that there is a ‘problem’ with the relationship. He would then look to see if the practitioner had recorded any possible reasons behind this. If none were shown, his view was that it can be difficult to build or repair a relationship if you do not know the underlying cause behind the behaviour.

We often forget that behaviour is a form of communication. An infant who is unable to speak will communicate through crying or physical movements and, as parents, we try to understand what is behind the tears to support the child. However, this may not be the case when a parent, who may have had previous poor experiences of working with services, displays ‘unwanted behaviours’. Rather than seeing the behaviour as a valid form of communication (e.g., I had a previous poor experience so why should this one be any different), they are labelled as ‘difficult’ or ‘challenging’.

Even worse, we may be trying to build a relationship with someone who has gone through trauma in their lives and the anxiety of a home visit may lead them, for example, to hide behind a sofa pretending not to be home. This could be the parent reverting to a trauma-informed strategy for coping with anxiety related to previous distressing events in their lives.

Relationship-based practice

There are many definitions of the word ‘relationship’ but generally it involves the way in which two or more people connect, talk to, or behave towards each other. This two-way process means that practitioners need to understand reflective practice and ask themselves questions such as ‘how do my ways of working and communicating impact on the parent/carer?’.

Although relationship-based practice has evolved over time, some of the principles of practice/engagement with families have not. We often need to ask questions which some families may find intrusive and very personal, yet how much do we talk about ourselves if asked by a parent? There is limited research on self-disclosure by practitioners in both detail, amount or personal comfort levels and there is rarely any training available in this area of our work.

Working with a family who do not want an intervention can have an emotional and mental impact on a practitioner. It highlights the need for reflective supervision that focuses on the practitioner and their feelings as an essential support mechanism. If this is not provided, it may lead to demotivation and countertransference when working with the family.

Social work values are based on developing relationships that are empowering and based on mutual respect. It's important to support practitioners to understand and practice techniques, skills, and approaches to enable empathic and authoritative relationships with families.